Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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