his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
