Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
