I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
