Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
