You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Small penises have feelings too.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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