worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
