Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
where does the pee come out of this thing
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
