I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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