I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
