i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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