no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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