He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
