So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
