hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you will always have a special place in my vag
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
