what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
