so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
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Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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