But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
