why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
