U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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