I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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