Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
