he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
