Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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