if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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