my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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