She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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