Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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