Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
