And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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