I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
