I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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