I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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