If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
