Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My day in three words: secret purse cake
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
