He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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