Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
