Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
as a side note pls kill me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
