my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
