Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
