How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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