I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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