I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
