I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
