You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
