i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
