We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
wakey wakey hands off snakey
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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