I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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