he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
