i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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