Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
