she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Alive.
So much puke
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
