He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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