Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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