Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
