cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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