Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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