and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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