also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
