Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
