Swine flu. Run for my life!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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