Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
