Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
