btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i believe in u and ur pee
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
