dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
