K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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